She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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