My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
