were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
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apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
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This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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