Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
