Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
