He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
