You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
