apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
