I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Randomize
