Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
