he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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