At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
