Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
