I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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