Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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