put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
