I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
