Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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