I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
