I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Randomize
