do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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