My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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