i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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