Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
