It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
