dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
