jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
