you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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