Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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