Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
