Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
