I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
