I have demons in me.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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