i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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