just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
false alarm, still single
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
