Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
