A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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