"it" just moved
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
