Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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