Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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