I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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