I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Randomize
