my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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