Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
