Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
