I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
