She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
