You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
