Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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