You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i drank out of a bidet.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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