we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
