apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
