I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
