I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
