got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
