I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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