She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
