I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
