im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
