I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
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I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Your cock deserves a montage
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
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If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You are the jesus of drinking
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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