we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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