I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
