Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he was CRYING into my vagina
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
