You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
