I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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