What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
