I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
