dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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