This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Small penises have feelings too.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
