Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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