You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
