New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize