Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
