I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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