You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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