I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You have to summon your inner elephant
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Randomize
