wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
