He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
