careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
