just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
