Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
