i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
