My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
So squirting runs in the family.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
