How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
