you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
