Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
